Overcoming our fears, recharging, 1st day in Bali. My Bali Diaries part 1.
I had quite an eventful couple of months: I did my yoga teacher training, was going back and forth around the States, lived in NYC for 2 months, moved out from my apartment, traveled to Russia. This unstoppable race finally caught up with me, I started feeling a bit overwhelmed. I needed to recharge and calm my mind. Bali seemed like an ideal place for that.
I was looking forward to travel on my own and switch gears. I booked a beautiful Airbnb at my first stop - Canggu, a stylish, minimalist style villa with an incredible outside area and a pool.
After a very long flight, I finally arrived at the villa in the middle of the night. First impression was amazing, but then I started freaking out: it was TOO QUIET! Unrealistically quiet. As if noone exists and I am in the middle of a forest. I could hear all the insects, birds and dogs barking, no cars, no talks, no human noises. I was so tired, but I couldn’t fall asleep. So I was sitting by the pool in the dark, listening to the dead silence and feeling scared even panicking. I never ever like going to touristy places, however I was actually about to book another Airbnb and go somewhere else where all the tourists usually go. I was paranoid and wanted to leave…
I never experienced this feeling before, new places and traveling are usually easy and exciting for me. This feeling put me in shock. It took many minutes and efforts to stop this crazy train of thoughts. I started analyzing, observing my emotions. I took a deep breath and started meditating. Gradually it helped to clear my mind of this irrational fear. Why was I panicking? I was looking forward to this trip for months, I wanted to explore this part of the world that is so different from the rest. And I wanted to be alone and do it on my own. They say be careful of what you wish for. In my case I got terrified of my own decision to come to the other end of the world by myself, to get away from it all. And when I finally made it to my destination, so far and so different, I was taken aback. I finally fell asleep in the end and left the decision til the morning.
As the saying goes “Sunrise - new eyes”, when I woke up in the morning everything seemed better, it was sunny, beautiful and calm. I meditated more, went to have a yoga class, had a massage. And it all came together for me: so many people never go off the beaten track because they are uncomfortable or scared, experience panic attacks in new places and a fear of going somewhere new and unknown for them. I never really understood them, sometimes was even judgemental. But now as I had to cope with these emotions myself I can clearly understand others. And I want to help. I always want to be honest with you and share my true emotions.
How I overcame this fear might not be the universal way of dealing with fear and panic attacks, but it might be helpful for someone...
Identify this feeling: you have to observe it, realize what exactly you feel, just by being honest with yourself. Face it.
Admit it, even the strongest superwomen are scared sometimes and it is okay
Be aware: when you are aware of your feeling and you’re accepting it it’s easier to find a solution and the way to overcome the fear
Meditate on it, try to ask your inner self why you’re getting these emotions? What is the purpose? Track them down.
Let it go: try to not identify yourself with this emotion, it is your temporary emotion. it’s not who you are. Try to separate yourself from it.
Release control. When we don’t have control we often experience the fear, but is that really possible control everything? Don’t try to control, just observe.
Learn the lesson. Overcome the fear and see the real reason why you got that emotion and what you can learn from that.